dear beatport top 100 djs
a traditionally attractive, drunk, ginger boy approached me repeatedly during my set at tiger bar on friday. he told me he was spinning there the next night. he does pop mashups apparently. that’s fun except i hate mashups. when i “mashup” two tracks, i call it a dj mix. he told me he was really into what i was spinning. me too. i mean, hello. i’m playing “perfect” by princess superstar. can’t you see i’m trying to dance? he’s calling it “hip house” and “progressive house”. something about progressive house, anyway. and wolfgang gartner or whomever. he likes him or something.
"do you have any wolfgang gartner?" no, i don’t. "can i make a suggestion?" please. "do you have ‘silhouettes’?" no. "by avicii?" no. "do you have any avicii?" no. "avicii really keeps the crowd moving." oh. "do you have any deadmau5?" yeah, i have every record he ever made with melleefresh and i just played "beautiful, rich & horny", so pay attention.
it finally dawned on me just how ridiculously overblown this supposed “edm culture” is. i’m trying to please these basic bitches requesting “anything commercialized” while giving you hos a lesson on classic techno. can’t you see it’s hard enough for a boss in here without you basic djs walking through the door requesting every track in the beatport top 100 like you know shit? suck a dick.